The Hippocratic Oaf

[thehippocraticoaf]

The Hippocratic Oaf

First, do no harm

No sooner do I set up this blog, do I discover that there is in fact another 'Hippocratic Oaf', albeit now defunct, and indeed a paperback on Amazon.co.uk sporting the same colours. It would seem the small ray of brilliance in this otherwise vacant mind comes all but too late. Am I going to change it? No. Not after spending all afternoon frustratedly moving widgets around endless templates and further procrastination as I construct a half-decent header with Microsoft paint. Especially when all that effort could be put to good effect revising for my imminent end of pre-clinical exams.

So there it is, I'm the Hippocratic Oaf.

And, yes, I have exams looming. All the more reason to vent my spleen, for I sure as hell can't identify the blood vessels that supply said organ. In all honesty, I struggle to remember which side of the body it lies. And yes, I may be your doctor some day. Sorry. I have various other motivation for procuring this small patch of bandwidth, primarily as a means to reflect upon what is to be the ultimate testament of character - clinical school. Yes, in just a few short months I should be coming to a ward near you. For your vigilance, it would be wise to avoid the bumbling, foppish, yet surprisingly handsome chap feigning competence if you are unfortunate enough to be admitted over the next few years, because that will most likely be me, the Hippocratic Oaf.

[thehippocraticoaf]

The Hippocratic Oaf

Dulce et decorum est

You don’t want to do this course. You really don’t. All those things you
may have said or may be planning to say when the university sends you a formal invitation for an interview are nothing more than well-meaning ideological intentions. You want to help people? Work for a charity. It’s partly about money, granted it pays, but there are easier jobs with far greater perks. Fancy a moat or duck-house? Become an MP. It’s about status. Go on, admit it, I will. I like the idea that I get to put two letters before my name (and several more after) Dr Oaf, yes it rolls off the tongue nicely.

At times it is tedious. Many an hour has been spent listening to a rather sterile introduction to 'The fabulous world of Michaelis-Menten kinetics' or...........

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The Hippocratic Oaf

[thehippocraticoaf]

The Hippocratic Oaf

The hippocratic clot

Cripes, just days away from the end of pre-clinical teaching and the Oaf has won his first prize! At the risk of a compromise of identity, I shall reveal it was awarded by the university’s surgical society in a grandiose ceremony. One in which yours truly, sat towards the back of a crowded lecture theatre was a little overcome by shock. To a ripple of light applause, I managed to amble down the stairs landing flat on my face after being caught on the last step, much to the delight of my peers. And I should perhaps add, in front of the guest speaker handing out the awards who may or may not have happened to be the current president of the Royal College of Surgeons. Oh well, at least it came with a pecuniary bonus....

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The Hippocratic Oaf

[thehippocraticoaf]

The Hippocratic Oaf

Putting in the hours

To the detriment of my sanity, I have at last completed the final week of pre-clinical teaching. With the second year in entirety now a distant blur, and locked away in my cell for the purposes of revision. Opening the various lever-arch files filled with unfamiliar lecture handouts and all wonder of other material I cannot recall being provided. Yes, there’s no denying, it’s exam season alright.

I should perhaps add, that the reasons for not writing recently are thus follows: 1 – the Oaf had a busy week, ending in an exam that he was not at all well prepared for, and 2 – the Oaf had a busy week, avoiding actually undertaking any work as he packed up all his belongings and hired a ‘man with a van’ to move back home (which, in all probability contributed to #1). Oh, and 3 – if.....

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The Hippocratic Oaf

[thehippocraticoaf]

The Hippocratic Oaf

Knowing me, knowing you:

I was particularly delighted to read this story over the weekend regarding the public's perceived ignorance of their being. From the perspective of an individual whose daily business is that of Anatomy, it became evident that there were some gaping flaws in this study, if you will call it that. Insight it seems, is a wonderful thing.

The first problem encountered, is one I all too often succumb to. The BBC in its painfully objective manner of misreporting once again, living up to its reputation did not cite the paper it had reported upon. Fortunately, Google managed to track down the journal, where proudly displayed on its home page was the badge, ‘unofficial impact factor now 1.07!’

Blimey! That can’t be too far off my blog! In fact, as it’s technically ‘unofficial’ I suppose I could put a small rosette up in the top-right hand corner declaring The Hippocratic Oaf now with an unofficial impact factor of 17..

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[thehippocraticoaf]

The Hippocratic Oaf

OSCEs episode II: attack of the clonus

The perceptive of you may have noticed that it has been a while since the Oaf last penned an entry. Yes, I have been through hell and back, to the dark side of the moon, choose your metaphor as you please but in short, it has been examination season here. After much blood, sweat, pro-plus and tears the second year as we knew it was over and the majority of us now clinical students...

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The Hippocratic Oaf

Dissection: a brief reminiscence

I have been busy of late. As the academic year ends and my entire year group have returned home to temporary employment or fled the country, I have almost shamefully stayed on to complete an optional summer dissection course.

Something that has always perplexed me is the phrase, ‘donate your body to medical science’. What exactly does that entail? Is there anything scientific in dismembering a body, granted in the name of education? In doing so we don’t discover some previously unknown organ, or push the boundaries of science in any way. Somewhat of a misnomer, you certainly don’t get harassed in the street by a man with a clipboard asking you to leave your body for these purposes. Would I leave my body for such noble causes? No. Absolutely not. For I have now seen it and done it. Perhaps I’m being somewhat of a hypocritic-oaf, but I have not yet met another person who would willingly allow their corpse to be drained of blood, pumped full of alcohol, left for months, skinned and slowly hacked away leaving a fairly unidentifiable heap of tissue in one or two large buckets...

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[thehippocraticoaf]

Please note the address of the blog has changed due to google reasons that are perplexing none the less.

The new address: hippocraticoafblog.blogspot.com

For those of you who have subscribed, please note you will need to resubscribe as the feed has also changed.

Thanks,

Oaf.

[thehippocraticoaf]

New Horizons

We finally made it, the bookend of the summer and on the cusp of clinical school. Part of me questions whether I should have done something more productive with my time off. However, after working the entirety of the previous summer holiday answering phones in an NHS call centre until I became so numb and disillusioned in my position as an NHS pawn that I started to question how I’d ever function in a real job, I can confidently say I’m glad I took the time off to do nothing of any real importance. I’m sure that many of my peers will have spent their holiday earning a crust, participating in cutting edge research or perhaps building orphanages in the third world, as seems to be the craze presently.

Monday heralds the beginning of our lives as ‘professionals’, as has been acutely demonstrated by the numerous extensive e-mails concerning dress codes, placements and punctuality. We have slogged through the dry, academic and occasionally irrelevant material in order to arrive at this point. I feel an odd concoction of exhilaration and apprehension at the prospect of not just talking to patients, but having to perform basic exams, venepuncture and cannulation...

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[thehippocraticoaf]

EWTD Compliance

The Oaf has contacts whom have recently embarked on their various careers in medicine. Fresh out of medical school with provisional GMC registration, they have now been in their FY1 jobs for about month. They are also the first cohort of junior doctors to have to fully adhere to the European Working Time Directive, which came into force as they started. In effect, they are legally bound to work a salaried job of no more than 48 hours per week, although prior to this the EWTD had an enforced 56-hour week. With a little snooping around through Facebook contacts, and spying on their colleagues various status updates, the Oaf has collated a brief snapshot to illustrate the success of the implementation of the EWTD:

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