Thinking waaaaay into the future but hey...

[Hegz]

As the title suggests, I'm trying to plan out my career from a starting point thats years away from getting into a medical course, but at least I have a plan right? Yeah right...
Anyways, I'm Heather, living in Glasgow, aged 21. School leaving grades of AAAABBB over the 2 years (unfortunatey, it was ABBB in 5th year then AAA in 6th year). Unconditional offer for Psychology MA at Glasgow Uni which I took up, stayed in the course for 2 years and realised it wasn't for me. Actually, it had never been 'for me'. I chose a university degree at random when my career advisor told me I had to make the choices, and I was nowhere near ready to know what I wanted to do with my life. Its probably just me, but I think having to make that kinda decision when you're 15/16 and have little to no life experience just isn't fair. Anyways, moving on - tried second year at uni again but with Sociology instead, and a few other different subjects, but I hated that too, and it didn't engage my interest, didn't seem like something I could make a good career out of.
I'd had brief spells of thinking about medicine when I was at uni to begin with but I dismissed them as I realised I didn't have near the grades required to get in. However, after sociology grated on me, I put a huge effort into deciding what would make me happy as a person if it was my career, and tried thinking about it as if I had no limitations. Then I did my research and discovered that there were other ways to get into medicine, and all was not necessarily lost. With no money to move (and no grants to be had since I'd already started a degree course) I knew I couldn't apply to any of the English places offering an access to medicine course, or even if I'd be accepted. So I thought about graduate applicants. With this in mind, I switched faculties to Science, to start an Anatomy Bsc, but I had to take a year out also, because I would need to fund the first 2 years of this new degree by myself so had to make some money.
So, here I am, nearing the end of my year out (with not nearly as much money as I'd hoped) and starting my biology course in September.
I recently got a new job as an auxiliary nurse in the oncology ward at a local hospital, and a job volunteering at a Barnardos store for a few hours a week. I'm hoping to be able to stay on at my job during uni but cut down my hours to fit around study, I don't really see them having a problem as I know there are part timers already, and there's always work for auxiliary nurses, around here anyway.
So, my big plan is to throw myself into this degree, emerge with a 2.1, and then apply to medicine. I know its a total long shot, and its ages away, and everything else, but this is the only career option that has made me feel that its right since I can remember, and even though its years away til I can even apply, I'm just so glad to finally be giving myself some direction. And I know I can do it if I try.
On a related note, this website has been so useful to me, answering any queries I had about applying to medicine, and seeing so many success stories from mature/graduate applicants really gives me hope. I have something to look forward to.

[Hegz]

I know its gonna fly in, but 5 months til my biology course starts seems sooo long. Been trying to study some chemistry & general biology on my own, just because its been years since my highers and I'll be in with students who just left school. I'm gonna be an oldie (& even older if I get into medicine after this!).
Need to pick up my uniform on monday, as I realised I failed to mention I havent actually started my nursing auxiliary job yet. Waited nearly 4 weeks for my disclosure to come through, so I'm starting a week on monday, and should have some interesting stories to tell I'm sure, going by what some current auxiliaries have posted! I'm preparing myself for some emotional stress, at least when I first start, because its in an oncology ward and I've lost some really amazing people to cancer (see the link in my sig for why I'm doing Race For Life)- but thats part of the reason I want to study medicine, I want to help find the answers and treat people with cancer and other devastating illnesses. I want to see people get better, and if they can't I want to at least know I've made their quality of life better for as long as possible.
I have a meeting next week with Prince and Princess of Wales Hospice in Glasgow to see about volunteering there a few hours a week. I know I'll be spreading myself pretty thin, with that & Barnardos & a fulltime job, but I just want as many different experiences as possible. And I like dealing with different types of people, in different situations.
I'll most likely update this after the 23rd, share my first day stories with anyone who wants to read,haha.

[Hegz]

I started as an auxiliary nurse and my first shift was yesterday. The 12 hour shifts might take a little getting used to but it was alright. They couldn't really demonstrate much as its a new building and everyone is finding their feet, and the patients arent all transferred over yet.
The patients in my ward seem like nice people, mostly older generation but a few young-ish ones. I learned what a cool cap is for, and how to wash my hands according to the regulations, haha. And I think I have the 'hospital corner' down.
Next shift is monday and hopefully by then there'll be a routine I can follow and I can learn more things, leading up to working on my own initiative.
Must remember to bring adequate food for a 12 hour shift next time! And write my name on it so nobody steals it, as is the rule.

[Hegz]

Just been working 2 days in a row, and I must be a lightweight right now because I'm pretty knackered! Not in again until the weekend so that’s not so bad.
I think the nurses might soon get tired of my endless questions about various medical terms, but I just like to learn these things. Seeing 'DNR' on people's charts is weird, but I guess in this kind of ward I'll unfortunately be seeing it a lot.
Its pretty sad seeing the patients we can't do anything for except give them things for the pain. There’s a lot of palliative care, and people getting sent home to be more comfortable, or as one of the nurses said, ‘going home to die’. It’s all a bit morbid.
I have 5 months until uni starts, so if I can keep this going fulltime until then I’ll have a lot of experience plus hopefully some money saved up. Then I’ll have to break it to them that I need to look for a part time auxiliary place somewhere. It shouldn’t be too much of a problem, a lot of people only work 2 twelve hour shifts a week and that would suit me fine around uni, but we’ll see how it goes.
I would quite like to get experience being an auxiliary in surgery, I’ve heard a few people saying they enjoyed it, so I’ll have a look into that when I’m starting uni.
I’ll update after Saturday, when hopefully I won’t be pulling my hair out because they haven’t sorted out my pay details yet, ha ha.

[Hegz]

I'm getting to know the routines and things about my ward now, so hopefully I'll stop asking all the silly questions soon. The nurses have been great though, even though I must annoy them.
Yesterday's shift was a bit more stressful than it has been so far. Maybe stressful isn't really the word, but it was different, and not in the good way (although perhaps experience-wise it was beneficial). One patient in particular keeps sticking in my mind, yesterday was definitely not her day. To begin with when we tried to get her to wash & change her pyjamas she was adamant she had already done it and refused to do it again, she was just in a really confused state. She thought she had only been in the ward for one day and was going home the next day, when she'd already been there for nearly 2 weeks and was not due home anytime soon. It was really sad because she didn't believe what day it was or what time it was and was getting so frustrated, nothing was making her feel any better. Then later on in the day she had a fall off her commode and me and 2 other nurses had to try and get her back into bed and see if she was ok.
About an hour before I finished last night I was told the same patient had taken a turn for the worse, and was not responding to any stimulus, not even when the doctor shone his light in her eyes or called her name. Then the nurses asked if I would sit with her while they contacted the family, and told me to ring the emergency buzzer if she stopped breathing, so obviously I was petrified! First time I've been in a situation like that, and I havent even been taught CPR or anything yet. It sounds silly, but I was so paranoid that I wouldn't notice if she stopped breathing, because she wasn't on life support or anything, no buzzers would have went off. So i just kept moving her blankets and holding her hands and just trying to make sure her eyes kept flickering open every few seconds. Fortunately she stayed roughly the same, and when her family arrived she seemed *slightly* more responsive, and when I left the last I heard was the doctor thought she may have been having some type of seizures, but hadn't yet reached a conclusion.
I found myself getting a bit emotionally attached, even though I'd only met this woman a few days ago, I think its because of how fast it all went downhill, how earlier I'd been bringing her meals and (eventually) helping change her pyjamas. I don't think a small level of emotional attachment is that bad, I can't help wanting to engage with patients and I like talking to them when I can and listening to their stories, but I'll probably need to work on distancing myself slightly, or it'll affect my work when I become I doctor I know.
I'm due for more training in June and I really hope CPR is part of it, now that I'm paranoid I'll be there when something happens and I won't have a clue,haha. I was a bit shocked to learn that the arrest team at my hospital consider cancer patients as a bit of a waste of their time, one of the staff nurses told me. I know that other people who go into cardiac arrest and are saved have a better chance of going on to lead a longer life, but I would still have thought that everyone deserves the effort being put into saving their life, even if it is only for a few more years. I'm probably biased because of my family history though, but still.
Back on again tomorrow, better remember to go to my bed early so I'm decent enough tomorrow not to scare any patients with my rough appearance.

[Hegz]

Here I am a fortnight later, and only thinking it had been a few days,haha. How time flies.
The lady I posted about in my last entry passed away on one of my other shifts, sadly. The thing that made me the most upset was seeing her family, after listening while the nurse made the telephone call to tell them what happened. The family stayed in the room with her until after I left that night, so I'm yet to experience cleaning and dressing a dead person, a student nurse was telling me about her experiences so far. To be honest, I don't know how that will affect me, maybe feel a bit morbid, and a bit scared that it'll spasm or something and I'll jump out of my skin. I really shouldn't listen to student nurses scary stories,haha.
I think I'm getting on alright, still asking the stupid questions and following people about a lot, but thats the only way I'll learn I guess. I've been thinking about how I'll cope with this job while I'm at uni studying anatomy, and I'm not sure if they'll keep me on if I go part time (there are plenty part time auxiliary jobs, but not in this ward). I was also thinking that maybe I should try to get a job in a different department if I can, to broaden my experiences. I would quite like to have a go in paediatrics, although I've been warned that it can be more harrowing than working with adults, but we'll see. Maybe have a go in theatres or something. Also considering a phlebotomy job, that way I get to go from ward to ward and get good physical experience.
Working tomorrow, lets hope its a good day.

[Hegz]

Now for another, probably boring update, for anyone who's interested.
Last week I actually got my auxiliary nurse training, after working there for a month already, haha. I learned CPR, well the basics I guess, and that was useful, although I'm still not sure I'll be any use in an emergency situation, not yet. Now I have 6 days off in a row, just due to the rota, not even a planned holiday. Amazing.
Its three and a bit months until I start uni, and I still don't know what to say to my boss. I have 2 weeks annual leave at the beginning of October which is good, if they let me keep it even after I hand my notice in,haha. By the time September comes the extra pay for unsociable hours will have stopped I'm sure, so maybe I'll get away with working the weekends (no-one else will want to) plus one weekday, maybe a nightshift if I can. If that makes me too inflexible for the ward obviously I'll need to look about for a different job.
Been looking into the phlebotomy thing more, although I made the mistake of telling one of the phlebotomists, and now she keeps saying things like 'I'll make sure and tell you if any vacancies come up!' while my colleagues are there, so I hope they arent listening, haha.
Can't remember if I've mentioned this, but if I apply to medicine for 2011 entry, I might be applying in the same year and to the same unis as my little brother, who's 8 years younger than me, that'll be weird! Right now he's either going to be a doctor or an art teacher, and he's a smart kid so I'm sure he could manage either one. My other brother is planning to start his nurse training in February (woulda been september but he hasn't finished his application in time). Seems I have a pretty medical minded family! My generation at least, we're the first ones to go on to higher education. I better not screw it up again!

[Hegz]

Wow, its July already. How time flies. Its drawing ever nearer to the time when I'll need to tell my work that I'm going back to university. Eek.
Ive been looking into a couple of phlebotomy jobs, the most promising one being in the children's hospital, which would be a completely different experience for me. Thing is, if I apply now & get it, I'll have to work part time for a bit before uni starts, when really I should be working fulltime as long as I can. Although obviously if I wait, there won't be a job that fits in so well with my uni when I start. Aargh, decisions. I guess I could apply for this, pray I get it, then work on the nurse bank at weekends, which would get me extra experience in different wards.
Fingers crossed I can work something out! (no doubt I'll be back on here before that happens anyway).

[Hegz]

Well I've applied for two part time phlebotomy jobs, so heres hoping. And applied to the nurse bank, so hopefully I'll hear back from them soon.
I'm getting really impatient to go back to uni, get back in the way of studying and having deadlines and projects (how sad am i?) haha. I'm in two minds about whether to tell me advisor of studies my life plan or not. I figure on one hand he could probably help me out, help me take modules that will benefit me more if I go into medicine. But on the other hand he might not like the fact I only transferred to his faculty so I can get into something else. Hmmm.
On an unrelated to anything note, as I down my glass of cranberry juice it still totally puzzles me that I went for a dental check up this morning, after 18 months (whoops) and I didn't need anything done. I put sugar in everything, and drink fruit juices all the time! Lets hope I can go a few more years with no fillings, I've come this far.
Last night I had my first nightshift on the ward, and it was actually wholly uneventful. I worked the previous day on dayshift, so i couldn't make myself sleep before my nightshift, just wasn't tired, then from about 4am I couldn't keep my eyes open. I was actually grateful that a patient had accidentally soiled her linen and still needed a commode at that time just because changing the bed kept me awake,haha. I did feel bad, as always because she kep apologising for herself and saying she was pathetic, and I was trying my hardest to comfort her. Its difficult though, getting someone to believe that you don't mind helping them with that stuff in the slightest because you've seen it all before, but also recognising that its still distressing for someone who has never had trouble getting to the toilet before. And telling someone not to worry because its normal and common and I'm used to it, when obviously this lady isn't used to it and she's embarrassed and scared that it'll happen again. I just got some friendly whispered banter going with her, asked her about her family and things, and she asked about mine, and it was alright from then.
I think some of the staff I work with don't value patient's feelings enough, from auxiliaries right through to the doctors. A patient broke down in tears last week after a doctor told her the symptoms she was having was 'just down to your brain mets I'm afraid', and while she was fully aware that her cancer had spread, the doctor really wasn't sympathetic at all, spent almost no time with her, and left her lying by herself with only the severity of her disease to think about. ugh I don't know, maybe I'm too sensitive to this stuff, but even a reassurance that we were doing all we could for her, or something along those lines would have been better, not false hope but at least showing we were treating her to the best of our abilities.
I really hope when (I say when not if, as part of a new confidence in myself I'm determined to keep) I'm a doctor, I can still retain some sensitivity even when I need to keep myself at an emotional distance, if that makes any sense at all.

[Hegz]

Well, a couple of new things since the last post, for anyone thats interested,haha.
For the first time I got to the 'Last Offices' part of nursing, which was an experience that I was morbidly looking forward to, just to see how I would react when dealing with a dead person (never had to before). Turns out I'm actually quite unaffected by the dead body part of things, I had no trouble whatsoever. The thing that gets me with death (& probably always will be) is other people's reactions, e.g family members. I didn't see the man as he was dying, I had seen him earlier in the day, but I saw his wife crying a lot. it just made me want to hug her
All in all a valuable experience, I was able to wash and dress a body and I wasn't weirded out by it. Not that doctors are involved in that part, but just death in general, since becoming an auxiliary I've experienced its effects more than once and I'm learning how to react properly and keep my head, get on with my work.
The second thing worth mentioning is that I got a job interview, for the position of Specialist Paediatric Phlebotomist, which would be great as experience plus the hours fit right in with my uni schedule this year. I wouldn't have to work any weekends, although I probably would work a few on the nurse bank for extra cash. I'm praying I get the job as it seems perfect for my needs right now. If anyone has experience as a phlebotomist they'd like to share then feel free. It would also fulfil my wish to get experience with kids, albeit as the scary lady who comes to take their blood,haha.
Interview is in two weeks, so heres hoping (crosses fingers).