my very 1st weblog

[a1sha]

it reali has bin a while. i'm done wiv all my exams they were mostly ok. before my exams i went to c destiny's child in earl's court. it was so so cool. i havnt had dat much fun in ages. my exams were ok. human biology unit 4 was a compklete waste of £15 (cos i had 2 pay 2 resit) the 10 mark question was on the brain n lets jst say d brain was d only topic in the unit i dont know boy was i pissd i was done wiv evrything i knew in d paper in 20 mins. chem unit 4 wasnt so gud either. maths c4 was terrible i cudnt do d last question which was 13marks.
funny enuf, the exams i was most worried about chem unit6 turnd out 2 b d best of all the exams. i'm jst glad its all ova. atimes, it seems so unreal. i reali cant believe i'm done wiv college.
last week end, i went to canterbury for my cousins cristening it was a lot of fun. apart from dat, since i finishd college, being the lazy ass dat i am, i havnt left my house.
o my days, the most embarrasing thing happend ystday. no one was home n i was wearin a v v v short night dress n d bell rang it was a package being delivered so i rushd 2 open d door. the package needed 2 be signd for so a form of id was required. so i ran up the stairs to get the id but the gud cud see right up d dress. n he ws like "damn wat an ass". o my days i was so embarrasd.

[a1sha]

wow it reali has bin a long while. @ d moment i'm in nigeria 4 d suma. i'v bin here 4 3wks alreadi n i'm bac 2 london next week 2 get my a level results. God knows i'm reali am scared. nigeria has bin reali fun. at 1st it was reali annoyin cos all my frends were in university doing their exams. then i had 2 go 2 my home town (cos at the moment, we are livin in the city) it was reali borin there. i then came back 2 d city lagos. i live in victoria garden city (aka vgc) thew poshest part of lagos but it also is reali far from evrywhere else so none of my frends cud come n visit me. so on sat 6th i pland dat all my frends 4rm sch wud cum to d house i use to live at while i lived in nigeria in ikeja. it was d best time i've had in the last 2yrs.
nigeria reali has bin fun except that there was a guy who fancied me b4 i left nigeria 2yrs ago n i neva told him i wasnt interestd. thinkin he'd moved on, i gave him my no in nigeria n his bin disturbin me day n night. now i reali cant stand him.
i cant wait 2 cum bac 2 london so i can get my result. i got 2 go

[a1_sha]

it reali has bin a while and a lot has happened. i passd my exams i got aab so i finally did get into uni of newcastle. at the moment i'v bin in newcastle for about 6wks and it reali has bin fun. my flatmates are dolls. they are so nice its unbelievable. a lot has happened since i'v bin here. 2moro, i am @ d hospital interviewing a patient. i reali cant wait.

[a1_sha]

i was so happy more like ecstatic when i got my results i finally made it. finally i was leaving home. i got to newcastle n its bin so much fun. the lectures hav bin ok. except there r a few boring lecturers. the only problem is dat we had an exam like 6-8wks afta we started sum mid semester progress exam shit. i did a lot of studying for the exam but i was reading the unimportant stuff n not payin attention to the details so i didnt do too gud on d exam i go 2 b's n grades go msbu. i was so devastated because my b wasnt close 2 an s it was way way close to 2 u's. i lost so much confidence in myself which i'm still tryin so hard to gain back. its like my entire life i was always d smart 1. my aunts always told their kids 2 study hard so u can b like me n then i came 2 uni n failed my 1st exam.
but uni has bin so much fun. i hav d most amazing seminar group. we r so tight. we hav d most group socials.
i also hav amazing room mates who where there to lend a shoulder for me to cry on when i felt reali low when i got my results back.
since then i'v done handed in an assignment which i didnt do terrible at i got bss which is not great but isnt 2 bad
the only thing that worries me from time to time is my communication skills. i get so frightend n freeze up when i hav 2 speak 2 pple. like my first communication skills session was terrible. we where filmed while havin a casual chat with sum1. the 1st time i was the one being askd the questions so it went smoothly but when it came to me askin questions it was disastrous afta 1.5mins i cudnt think of nething 2 ask n d session was neant to last 2.5mins each. in the middle of the filming i was like can we end this here pls i was in so much agony n that was meant to be jst a casual chat. then we had to watch it being played bk n make comments about it. the tutor sed and i quote "thats an example of what not to do".
on session i was quite scared of but liked was venessection wen we had to take blood of pple n hav blood taken off us as well. it wasnt so bad when i was taken blood off my partner d problem was when it was her turn 2 take blood of me. she did evrything correctly but forgot to remove the air bubble in d syinge b4 puttin the needle in my vein now obviously she cant take d needle back out to re-stick it in n she cant push the air bubble into my vein. the pressure of my blood wasnt high enuf 2 overcome the pressure in d syringe so my blood wasnt flowing out so she had to squeeze my arm to increase the pressure of my blood so it cud get into d syringe.
uni has bin fun. its had its ups n downs but i wudnt trade the last few months of my life for netin. i've met loads of pple n had an amazing time

[a1_sha]

a lot of pple where home sick in d first few weeks not me, i was so happy to have finally hav left home with all its toubles but like afta 10 wks i wantd 2 go home. i was jst so tired i wantd 2 do nuthin but sit at home. at that time home seemed like heaven. i forgot how noisy it cud b n how annoyin it was n how i had 2 clear up afta evry1. i jst wantd 2 b home 2 c my brothers n sister. for the first time eva i missd my sisters play in d winter fair at her school and that made me real sad.i also missd my brothers 4th b.day
but then i went bk home n afta a few days of being there i so wantd out but that wasnt d worst part of te holiday.
from time i'd always known that there was no where in hell my dad was faithful to my mum. he went out clubbing and to resturants with "the boys". for as long as i can remember he has always lived the life of a bachelor. jst b4 i went to nigeria 4 d summer my brother found a picture of a woman n a child on my dads fone n he showd it 2 me. but we tot it was probably my dads g/frend n his daughter but it was more like speculations n when my brother told my mum n she askd my dad he deleted it from his fone. this was about 5/6mths ago
a few days after xmas my mum calls me n is like u kno d child u n ur brother saw on ur dads fone well dats ur sister her name is zainab b she is 8 yrs old. it turns out she is only 40days older than my (real) sister. so when my dad was ****in my mum he was also ****in d whore who had this girl for him. the saddest part was that this new sister wasnt as a result of a 1 night stand or sumthing she was d end product of a 2yr relationship. imagine, the guy u r married 2 dated a woman 4 2 yrs n 8 yrs ago she had a baby 4 him so he has bin lying to u for 10 yrs n u sleep on d same bed under the same roof. pple can be wicked and evil hearted.
but this isnt the worst part of it. bcos he was brought up in a polygamous home (1 father, 5 wives , 20+ kids) he sees absolutely nohing wrong in what he has done. if he sees nuthin wrong in what he has done then how can he ask 4 4giveness from my mum or b at least truely sorry. if he sees nothing wrong in what he has done, nothing stops him from doin it again.
now u ask hw does my mum feel. she feels betrayed n angry. y doesnt she leave him? the way my mum was brought up n d way i was brouht up in africa, a man cheating on you is really not a legitimate enuf excuse to leav a man. plus u can make him suffer for what he has done a lot more if u r still married 2 him than when u leav him. but my mum thinks that by makin him suffer it is a way of tellin him dat it is ok for him to do it n dat all dat she will do is make him pay.
its is reali ****d up n messd up. but then, whats happend has happend so now i hav 2 8yr old sisters but they arent twins. wow

[a1sha]

it's bin a really long time. everything is great. i'm now a 2nd year medic which is totally awesome. made some good friends in newcastle n for the first time in my life i can say i'm really happy.
i have a new bf D. i've been with him for jst over 6mths n he d mst awesome guy i've ever been with. but really i do hav a track record of goin out with the shittiest guys on the planet so this is an absolute 1st. he drives up tp newcastle from london as ofen as he can. he is really tall 6ft 1 (i'm 4ft 10/11). i really cant wait cos he is coming this weekend. he has taking fri and monday off work so he can be with me.

[a1sha]

my life is totally messed up n totally crazy at the moment. i'm PMS-ing so emotions are all over the place. Since 9am this morning i'm cried, laughed, smiled, yelled at pple for no apparent reason and felt extremely depressed.

everything also seems so nice on the outside. I've been with d most awesome guy i know for just under 9mths now n it's been totally fab except one little little ok not so little thing. We are from different faiths (i'm anti the word religion) My mum is totally freaking out saying that our relationship isnt going anywhere. it is totally stressful cos i havent been this happy my entire life (not exaggerating). he treats like a queen. to him i'm the only one that really matters. and yes i've thought of just doing what i want but it does not work that way in my family. what the parents say is gospel.

i'm considering breaking up with the only guy that has ever made the happy. he's been nothing but awesome. it's totally unfair to him that i'm even thinking of breaking up with him cos he has no clue.

i love him with all that is me. if i break up with him not only am i hurting him n breaking his heart, i'm also doing the same to myself. this is the hardest decision i've ever had to make. i'm so tired of crying cos i don't want to give him up. the thought of life without him scares me.

[a1sha]

I really want to write a blog but i'm so tired. here we go. So in 2weeks i'll have been with my bf for a year. His mum doesnt live in the UK but will be in London for her birthday in Aug. He wants me 2 meet his mum. Me meeting his mum signifies our relationship is really serious. N although i think of this as being my first serious relationship. I know it's not goin to lead ne where. The thought of letting him go scares the hell out of me.
He's been there for me through it all. When i had panic attacks when revising for my summer exams he ws the first person i always called. He always knows what to say. He is the only one that makes everything seem alright.
I got a job a week ago but it was too hard n too stressful n every time i felt like i couldnt carry on i'd call him for support. i quit my job but he still supports me regardless.
It is depressing. i cant do this.