Pregnant and don't know what to do

[blueberry muffin]

I have recently found out unexpectedly I'm pregnant.

I'm entering my second clinical year next year and would be due to have the baby in the middle of my O+G placement (the irony) so would probably need to take a year out.

I was wondering if it would be doable to have a child and continue studying?

Childcare seems incredibly expensive, and since I will be receiving NHS grant I don't think this will cover all the costs.

What financial support is available?

How supportive have people found there universities?

Most importantly is it possible to cope with a baby and medicine?

At the moment I am thinking through my options and would appreciate any support and advice (including from those who don't have children who maybe know people at medical school who do?).

Thank you.

[Clarkey]

Hi

Welcome to the forum.

I don't have kids so can't help with the finance and numbers issue, but my best friend is in the same year as me and has an 8 month old baby and a few others have had children during medical school.

It is definitely do-able. It depends on how your curriculum works, some people take a year out, some people are jammy and end up not needing/wanting to!

Most people here have said that the medical school have been fairly supportive with things like having placements close to home and being able to tkae a year out if need be.

I think the thing that most of the people I seem to know have in common is support. Whether from family/friends/childcare providers.

I hope you have people you can talk things through with, you must have a thousand things swimming around your head right now!

Good luck

[fortune]

Is there a partner on the scene? Do you access to a counsellor at Uni who may be able to help you get your head around all the issues you are facing.
I know there are quite a few "matures" studying medicine with children. It is definitely doable, though proirities may need to change. New baby being number 1.

[minnako]

Hi, I just want to tell you that it's OK to feel whatever you feel. A lot of people feel conflicted with news like this. You will need to take some time thinking about what you feel is right for you. Don't let anyone pressure you into a decision (having a child or having a termination) that you feel is not for you. There is no 'right' decision, nobody else can decide what is best for your life.

I know one of my friends (on a non-med course) has taken a year out to have her child, the university were very understanding on that count. Some universities have child care help available, but you'll have to look into what your university offers. I do know that there are mature students on my course with kids, it is definitely possible, if it is what you really want. I hope you have family that can be supportive, as that might make it a bit easier for you.

The only advice I can give is to do your research around your university. I recommend talking to counselling services. I wish I could give you more advice, but I don't have much experience in this field, and every university is different.

Best of luck

[clemette]

Hi blueberry muffin.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
Just a quick one, but just wanted to say that if you receive an NHS bursary you can also apply for a childcare grant. You will also be entitled to some maternity allowance whilst you take an maternity leave.
It is doable. There are a number of people who combine parenting and studying. Mine are 4 and 2 but there is a woman on my course whose baby was under one when she started.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Anna L]

A child is much more important than studying

[ibbs91]

it's doable! Doctors primary objective is to preserve life, so what ever you do, don't get an abortion. I think you should take one step back, speak to your tutor, explain to him/her the situation. The university should be cool with it, I'm sure your not the first person in this situation. Year out is a good option. After having the baby, you'll need support. Speak to your family, tell them your having a baby. When my mum was in uni, she had my older brother (2nd year too) she had him and my grandma helped to look after him in the first few years. Does the dad know? Whats he saying?

[GenericName]

iDoctors primary objective is to preserve life, so what ever you do, don't get an abortion.

That's a horrific thing to say!! The ethical golden rule is not to preserve life, it is to "do no harm." In many cases that means preserving life yes, but when you're talking about a 'potential' child you can't assume keeping the child is the in the best interests of the parents and (possibly most importantly) even for the child???

I'm not a religious person, so my view of abortion is quite utilitarian (and therefore may be of no use if you are catholic/muslim etc), but personally if the parents are not capable of looking after the child or don't want the child, then my gut feeling is that termination is an option that should always be considered.

Is it really in the patient's best interest to have a kid they can't afford to look after or don't want? Is it in the child's best interests to be born into a family who won't care for him/her?

That said, if the OP is sure she WANTS the kid, then we're talking about a completely different issue and apologies for taking your thread off track :P If you're sure you want to have the child, there are plenty of funding options available to you both as a student and as a mother.

[minnako]

it's doable! Doctors primary objective is to preserve life, so what ever you do, don't get an abortion.

Without making this thread about rights to bodily autonomy, surely a doctor's role is not to judge a patient (or another doctor) on whether they choose to have a perfectly legal medical procedure (which many people, BTW have no moral problem with), regardless of one's own beliefs and wishes for their own life? Certainly it's nobody's role to tell someone they must, or mustn't have an abortion based on our own limited understanding of the OP's circumstances or wishes.

If someone wants to have a kid, it is indeed possible, and may even be the best thing to happen to them. But it's up to someone in this situation to decide what is best for them. I hope the OP has the support available to them for whatever they choose, and am sure that given some time they will make what they feel is the right choice for their own life, regardless of whether anyone here chooses to take sides. And that's the important thing, the person who came here asking for information and help.