OK, what's it really like being a parent at medical school?

[georgiegirl]

Hi everyone

I have a place at medical school starting Sept 09, and daughters aged 8 and 6. Husband is supportive, though marriage has had its problems.

I am doing A levels in chemistry and biology and have found this totally manageable despite being badly organised and having a talent for procrastination (ie I'm a pretty slack student, then have to try and pull it all out of the bag in the last 2 or 3 weeks before exams).

I'm going to have a commute of an hour or so to get to medical school. I'm thinking I will have to have an au pair living in, to pick the girls up and keep on top of things in the house. It's going to have to be someone good, who likes dogs, who can drive etc. But I've had au pairs before and know the ropes.

I would love to hear from any parents out there who are currently at medical school - how do you manage, and what's it really like? Do you feel you are able to juggle study and family life, or do you feel guilty, a less effective parent, etc.

My husband is a high earner, so money is not going to be an issue. The corollary of this though is that he works quite long hours (leaves 7.45am and gets home at 7, and works away on average a couple of nights a week).

I know it's do-able, but how hard will it feel? I know these things are quite personal and it's impossible to generalise, but I'd really like to know how people already there are coping.

Thanks in advance.

George

[Kim leanne]

Hi
What uni are you going to? Congrats on getting in. I know when you asked me something similar a year ago i told you i was having a really hard time, but I'm pleased to tell you that i am loving the second year.

I found the first year really tough because i found it hard to adjust to my new routine, lacked confidence in my ability to pass exams and stupidly thought moving house would be a good idea! However, this year, settled in our new home (never moving again), used to the routine, the kids being a year older (now 3 and 6) and now realising that i am actually reasonably capable of passing my exams and don't need to be permanatly freaking out, I am having a fantastic time at med school and am very glad I decided to do this.

Good luck
Kim

[medicmum]

Hi, I know lots of people cope well and seem to get a balence right. I'm not one of those and i'm really struggling. I feel like a bad parent as i'm not at home anywhere near as much as i would like and a bad medical student as i just can't sacrifice all my time at home to study, which i feel i need to if i'm going to to succeed in this. Family is simply far more important to me. I'm in pre-clinical years at the mo and i'm scared the clinical years will be even worse. I'm constantly questioning continuing. I get lots of negative remarks along the lines of 'your surely mad to even attempt this/you've got no chance' from other students (not to mention raised eye brows from people higher up) and right now i just feel hopless about it all. kym please tell me what changed for you? I wanted to be a doctor for so long and now i'm even questioning that. maybe it's not the career for me. I don't know if i can deal with the sacrifice and 4/5 more years feeling like this is just simply unbearable.
Any advice welcome.
Thanks

[Kim leanne]

medicmum i have sent you a PM

[Frank's mum]

Hi, I'm currently in the 5th year of a 6 year course and, more importantly, mum to a 7 year old.
I have to say that I think all students go through times when they want to quit medicine but as a parent I think I have so many outside pressures that maybe these feelings can be more intense. For example, it has been difficult financially for our family as I earned more than my husband before I gave it all up to go to med school. It is hard not to have a proper holiday, to have to wait til the student loan gets paid in before buying new school shoes and stuff that I never had to think twice about.
But I have to say my husband and friends will tell you that I'm much happier than when I was working and my son is really proud of his mum. It does take a lot of self control though, I work Mon to Fri on college stuff and leave the weekends alone as much as I can so we can be a normal family, only at exam or deadline times do I take up a weekend day.
The pre-clinical years are a pain in the behind, there seems to be too much to know. I've found clinical years have given me more freedom to organise my day and it means I can get stuff done to my own timetable.
I think how hard it seems is dependent on what you did before. I worked long and hard hours before, going back to work really soon after my son was born, so I've always had to juggle my life.
I think year 6 will be hard, but I'm ready for that. We've organised my elective so that we all go (husband is self-employed and is taking time out), so it will be one really big adventure for us, then mum knuckles down and we all celebrate in June 2010. That's the plan!
I'm happy for people to pm me if you've got any specific worries or want to off load.
Alison

[tallulah]

Hey mums!

I've just found out I have a place on the St George's GEP.

I have an 8 yr old daughter and am a single parent. My daughter's dad lives in London and we have a good relationship. He has said he will support me as much as poss in terms of childcare and we will try to live close to each other - and fairly near St George's so that I don't waste too much time on travel each day. I'm looking at Streatham at the mo. (I currently live in the Midlands, so will be moving down to London in the summer - quite a big change all round)

I have similar questions to georgegirl really... What's it like as a medical student with kids in reality? How do you feel? Is it a struggle? Any top tips? Coping strategies?

Also I wonder if there are any other single parents out there who I could get in touch with for financial tips. Am also wondering what to do about accommodation - 2 bed flat or are there any shared house possibilities...

medicmum - I really feel for you, it sounds really tough, and your situation makes me worried. I'd be interested to know how old your kids are. I really hope things pick up in the next few months. Good luck xx

I work full-time now in quite a full-on job so have had to deal with the guilt thing quite a bit already. I've been hoping that I can treat med school like a 9 to 5 job initially - with studying at home in the evenings and at weekends as much as necessary, but maybe I'm being optimistic??

Anyway, any advice/contacts welcome. Good to hear that it's going well Kim leanne and Frank's mum.

T x

[Big a]

Don't mean to hijack this thread as I'm not married nor do i have kids yet..but just wanted to ask how do parents who are medical students out there cope with children without the support of any parents nearby? Just wondering for those who have had to move out and settle in another city..how are u finding it? It's just a lot of people I know seem to have their parents on hand if things get too much but what about the rest of you? Is everyone relying on childcare and if so, how are they managing to do that financially-wise?

Just curious Might help me out in the future one day.

[Tangliss]

It's very manageable! I have nursery care of which the LEA pays up to 85% of the costs. My kids go from 7:30am until 6pm, they take my son to school and pick him up on a daily basis and during term time both my kids go to nursery full time.

To be honest with you it's not as hard as people think. Time managment is essential. I am now half way through my third year and expecting baby number 3 while at medical school.

[Kim leanne]

Tangliss i didn't know you were pregnant again!! Congrats. X

[Tangliss]

Thanks Kim! I kept this one quiet, 20 weeks now. 4th year is going to be interesting!