Desperate To start a family

[Muffin2]

Call me old fashioned, but why don't you get married - then have children.

quite a lot of people these days prefer to remain unmarried. its a matter of personal preference. personally i don't think you should use wanting children as an excuse to get married. its essentially forcing a marriage, which is never going to work.

on the topic of the thread, i don't think 24 is too young. i'm sure many women if they could go back would choose to have children around this age, there are some many problems associated with increasing maternal age which many women don't realise until its too late.

[aspirant doc]

So the question is am i better of "having an accident"..?

If you were a GP and a patient asked you that, what would you say?!?!

[Muffin2]

i don't think its a GP's place to interfere with a relationship.

[yazoo]

i don't think its a GP's place to interfere with a relationship.

Is that what you would say to the patient?

[Muffin2]

well i'd tell my GP it was none of his/her business what went on in my relationship.

[Zedd]

Well put it this way, if a patient asked me that ("should I have an accident?") I would be very tempted to tell them that would be a betrayal of trust and that it isn't the best way of bringing a child into this world. Alternatively I would refer them to another doctor or relationship counselor.

I'm not being a prune or acting like a saint when I say that essentially locking someone into a relationship of one form or another without their expressed permission is a huge character flaw in my eyes and a terrible thing to do to another person.

Sure, if you were to have a geniune accident and became pregnant then that would be different but to suggest you should deliberately get pregnant then present it as an accident is a different matter entirely.

[Granny Midges]

No one can advise you when to have a baby ,there is no 'perfect' time. Bringing a child into the world is a huge responsibility. Forcing someone to become a parent (which is effectively what you'll be doing if you 'have an accident') is awful and certainly not a great way to bring a child into the world. If you did this how will this effect your relationship ? Trust me you will want a supportive partner when the baby comes because it is damn hard esp in the early stages. My advice, talk to your partner,tell him how you are feeling,the decision to have a child is probably one of the most important decision you'll ever make and I feel your partner should certainly have some say in it.
I wish you all the best,
GM
x

[litte_puffin]

Hi everyone

Firstly a big thank you for all the responses. Im not sure who said it but yes i posted her because it is anonymous and because i dont personally know any medical students or doctors who have children to ask these questions to. I guess i had hoped to be told off, i sort of thought everyone would tell me to stop being silly and that of course i have to me a GP/specialist before i even consider having a family. So the responses have surprised me, i think im going to give me self a break and stop setting future timetables for stuff which really cant be timetabled, i have to remember there is never a perfect time to have kids. FY1 wouldnt be ideal but if thats when it happens then i guess ill figure something out.

"having an accident" - again i wanted to be told off. I know this is wrong, i promised my boyfreind years ago i would never do this, i agree with what everyone said on this matter. HOWEVER i do think my partner is the type of person who wont ever really feel ready to have kids, even though he has told me he certainly does want them i just cant imagine him saying"lets start a family." He is the type who wont be a father until he holds the baby (as someone else commented was true for their dad.) But we talked about it and he does have some good reasons for not wanting one right now which i totally respect. If in 10 years time when im all qualified and have a nice house and have been with the same guy for all that time i wouldn't totally rule out "having an accident", i feel that for some guys though not ideal this can be a solution to never feeling ready. If i do have an accident (a real one - cant see why i would pill seems to work perfectly if taken correctly) then great and i certainly wouldn't think of putting myself though the psychological trauma of having an abortion no matter what my partner might want (i know it would destroy me).

Bit harsh to suggest i'm not mature enough to have kids because i mentioned this, i think judging a persons readiness to have kids based on one comment is a bit hasty. And of course i have an idea how much having kids changes your life (though i know i wont really know until i have them), i have lots of experience working with children which is why i talk about having chldren and not just having a baby (they dont stay babies for very long!); i know it is very very hard work but that i also find it very rewarding. I had hoped that nannying for a family with 3 boys last year would put me off but it has had the opposite affect. I loved it so much and now being back doing medicine and not seeing and playing with them everyday is hard (was doing bsc last year). Im about to do exams and i would so much rather be playing football or hide and seek than studying. I think that might also help to explain my very strong feeling at the moment. Fortunately doing lots of work over the last few days has helped to make me less broody. If anyone has any suggestions of ways to decrease broodiness i would appreciate it!

Marriage - i guess we will get married one day but ive never been one of those girls whose fantasied about the perfect wedding. I think we will get married mostly to please other people, the grandparents would love it and i guess it would be fun?? At the moment we really dont see the need, doesnt really change anything.

So thank you all for your thoughts, i would have replied sooner but im so stressed about exams next week. Ok guess i had better get back to the books.

ttfn

[yazoo]

well i'd tell my GP it was none of his/her business what went on in my relationship.

Totally different to what I asked. I was talking about how the Dr should behave, not how you feel you would behave!

[Randolf_Rolm1919]

It's amazing how some people get married for the sake of doing it, to please grandparents, parents, friends I suppose and others...it chills my blood to see what this society has become. I am utterly disgusted.