Single Mother with a dream but has a dilemma

[hennyg23]

Hey guys.

I am in a real dilemma. I am a 23 year old final year biomedical science student with a one year old dependant. I have always aspired to be a doctor. However, I have a 1 year old son and I come from a very poor background to be perfectly honest. My problem is that I am unsure as to whether I should pursue the path ahead to become a doctor. Having recently undertaking a 6 week placement in a doctor’s surgery I was able to undertake with patients in the community and have an insight into being a GP. I also had the opportunity of having my own room and seeing patients to take their blood pressure and height and weight measurements.

I am aware of the financial implications involved. The closest university to me atm is Birmingham and they only accept first class degree which I will not be able to obtain. I have looked at alternative careers such as being a midwife but it does not really interest me. I have also considered going down the management route because I worked as duty manager for KFC for 5 years but again it does not really interest me.

Are there any other single mothers on here that have already been thru the process? Or would anyone like to give me some advice? All I want to do is give my son a better life.

[mikuro]

Anything is possible if you really want to do it.

I am a 27 yr old single mother to an almost 4 year old, 6 years out of uni, and I am sitting GAMSAT in March with a view to get onto a graduate course in 2013. I think if you have managed to get by on an undergraduate course I see no reason why a grad med course would be a problem. You get your student loans in a very similar way and bursaries too, and lots extra when you have a dependant. I looked into every single detail before I even considered starting this process as I needed to be sure it was feasable financially as my son is my priority, and actually the financial help as a single parent is very good - childcare bursaries etc.
The only thing that concerns me is the hours and making sure I am able to give my son time as well as study hard, but I think if you really want something you can make it work.

I don't come from a wealthy background either but I do have support of my family who would go to many lengths to help me succeed at this and have already offered to help in different ways which is fantastic.

Look at the graduate courses as that is probably the best course for you to go, they all need you to pass an exam before you need to be considered however so requires hard work to study for that before hand.

Good luck

[dotvicky]

Heya,

I'm a mum (although not a single mum - hats off to you!) and I have found it very doable although I possibly had a more fortunate background than you did with a good first degree and a close university that took the grades (after doing some extra A levels in my 'spare' time) I had to offer.

I would say that you definitely need to go for it if you feel able. These are my thoughts:

1.) Can you move? Your son is definitely young enough to be portable (!) and there are universities that will accept a 2:1 or 2:2 degree? Birmingham, from what I've heard, are absurdly academically focussed.

2.) Do you have any family support that you could move towards? The biggest issue I've found is how to deal with those days when my children are ill and the nursery/school won't take them. What would be your plans for that?

3.) You'll get a sizeable chunk of financial support in your situation. You should find out how much it is and work out if you can make it work from a money perspective - remember graduates don't get much support on fees.

4.) Don't bank on doing paid work while studying as the time commitment seems to be about full-time.

5.) However (!), you can definitely find a way to make it work with being a mum and a medical student - I find it's roughly full-time work hours. You may find that you need to do a few hours a few nights a week but other than that, you can fit it around nursery times.

6.) PM me if you want to chat about anything.

Cheers
Vicky

[dotvicky]

Hmm - am repeating a lot of good advice from Mikuro - sorry! Long day and one too many glasses of wine.

[mikuro]

Great minds....

[tizz]

hi all,

i have a 2year old and a 4month old and am due to start 6 year med in sept and am having cold feet because am just not sure hw it will be especially as i dont have a very good suppot network for those days when little ones are ill and to make matters worse had interview with admissions officer and student union rep at the uni who were basically telling me that i'm wasting my time as it's way too hard after the foundation years and that i'd be better off doin nursing - this really cheesed me off but my confidence has been hit by it as they are "more experienced"

so please ladies give me your honest opinions and even better if there is someone who is in foundation year or past that (unsure how the process works after this) please tell how you did it/are doing it.

thanks

[dotvicky]

to make matters worse had interview with admissions officer and student union rep at the uni who were basically telling me that i'm wasting my time as it's way too hard after the foundation years and that i'd be better off doin nursing - this really cheesed me off but my confidence has been hit by it as they are "more experienced"

Aaaargh - this stuff really really bugs me. If I had a pound for every time someone told me I shouldn't do something because it was too difficult... grrrr.

No, it's not easy. If you go for it, this will absolutely not be the last time that you wonder what the hell your doing. I spent large chunks of my first year thinking that. But!!! - I love it so much and it's worth all the sacrifice.

Let's take parenting as an example - on paper, it's unbelievably difficult "job" - physically painful - at least at the start!, emotionally draining, absolutely exhausting and many many people who don't do it wonder how on earth you manage and might even say you shouldn't attempt it.

But you do manage it and you have done it, and there are many many moments when you are extremely happy that you have. Medicine is proving the same for me.

You may still crash and burn, you may start the course and find out that you really can't manage it, and that's okay... but to not give it a go and find out if you can because some people (who frankly don't know you or your situation and are actually telling you what they are capable of not what you are) are saying you shouldn't...

You will find it all much harder than the next person, this is definitely true, but it may not be impossible - in fact, others have proved that it isn't. I've got a friend who did it as a single mum (for some of it anyway) and she's out the other side, working part time and loving it. Med school is no harder than a full-time job. F1 and F2 can be done part time and then there are lots of specialties that allow for part time training after that.

Nursing would be easier but then so would a lot of jobs. If you can get satisfaction from nursing, great. If only medicine will do, well...

Cold feet are completely understandable, I guess you need to work out how serious those cold feet are but I don't think you can truly decide if it's for you without trying it out.

Cheers
Vicky

[Profanius]

I have friends studying for both nursing and medicine degrees and I can honestly tell you that the nursing students work harder and have less free time than the medicine students. My friends are only in their second years now, but any comments about you finding nursing easier are totally fallacious. My other point would be that unless the student rep was a med student and a single parent then what the f*** would they know!

In fairness they are probably trying to test your resolve. You have to consider that many people apply to university with an utterly delusional sense of their own abilities and entitlement, which presents a huge waste of time for University admission teams. If you're committed to medicine then you'll take these comments with a pinch of salt - of course this is easier said than done if your confidence is at low ebb.

I remember applying to the police force some years ago. Many constabularies ran a policy of arbitrarily rejecting a candidate at first application - simply to test their resolve and see if they applied again.

In short, don't let the nay-sayers put you off. If you try and fail and then you might regret it, but you will always regret it if you never tried.

[mikuro]

I can't believe they said that to you - how very rude. Just because something may be difficult doesn't mean it's impossible. As dotvicky so rightly said, being a parent itself is hard work and you still do it!!
Support networks are difficult to come by, I don't live anywhere near family so it's a pain when littley is poorly as even my friends with small people are mostly in full time work. I'm lucky that a couple of people at work who only work full time and love the small people have said if I do ever get stuck they will look after him on their days off if they are free, which has been great. Luckily he's not that poorly anymore having got over that dreaded first year of nursery so when he is really ill I get domestic leave from work - not sure how it works with med school however, maybe it depends on how sympathetic your tutors are!

My whole outlook is also give it a go or else you might regret it for the rest of your life. I finally decided to set upon this rocky road to med school after having toyed with the idea for years - my ex-h originally told me I wasn't "allowed" (!) as we couldn't afford it (not quite true) when I wanted to apply to an access to medicine course 4 years ago, and I wish I'd ignored him and done it anyway as I'd be half way to qualification by now....!

You will only know if you try. You have a place, so you're clearly good enough. Ignore people who say it will be too hard. Nothing is ever too hard if you want it enough!!

[FluffyTuty]

I had a long discussion about my wanting to study Medicine with one of my sons Paediatric consultants (he has 3, it was the Special Education Needs one if it matters) and he was interested because he had been discussing with his wife, who happens to be a Doctor who has a role at Glasgow Uni, 'Mature' students with dependants (us parentals) applying for Medicine. I said something along the lines of 'I know making time to study will be hard work' to which he replied that the studying is not as bad as most imagine. No, its not easy but so long as you plan regular sessions and don't be a lazy-arse, then it is more than possible to study and look after a family. After all, the young'us manage to study and have a social life.

And, after doing the biomed degree you have experience of studying and planning your time well enough to manage to do medicine. You probably already know your own limits too. For example, I know that every 2-3months I need a break. I put the kids to childcare and take the day off college. Obviously I take a day off that I can catch up on, not missing a Lab day or exam. I end up in Primark buying sparkly tat, hit costa for a coffee and a muffin. Go get my nails done. Or even sit at home blatently ignoring the ironing pile and watching How It's Made and Scrubs.

I'm not a single mother, but my husband works full time to support me and sweaty-bummed student ways, we also have 3 children, the middle one has hemiplegia and kidney issues. His speech is badly affected, I mention that because so much of my time with them is spent trying to work out what he's saying, it means that I can't study or be distracted when interacting with him, I cant catch up on his day when I'm driving (can't see him so can't read facial expressions, body language, signs or use the iPhone apps).

Its hard just now, its going to be worse when I'm at Uni 5 days a week and commuting for 3 hours a day.

I'm still going to do it! The positives outweigh the negatives.