What's the point to life?

[feeling lost]

I've posted on this forum before about not being sure about medicine, I'm still not. I have 3 offers but I don't know if i really want to do another 5 years at uni and then be doing such a stressful job. Ive now started thinking about other healthcare options like speech therapy, optometry, dentistry (5 yrs too!)...basically im totally confused and a bit depressed i think.

I dont know how I can make a decision. I feel sick all the time, I think about it all the time and I keep changing my mind, I'm scared i will make the wrong decision, i have until may 6th but to be honest I dont feel like I can ever make the decision. I'm having trouble being honest with myself and I do think i am letting money interfere a bit. I cant help it, i just feel that I have wasted the last 7 years of my life (uni and dead end job since school). I have nothing to show for them and I mean nothing except a useless degree I dont know why i did. I have never had a boyfriend (only been on a few dates), I live at home again and dont have ANY friends here and I cant even meet any by joining anything cos I am doing shift work. I have no hobbies or anything I am good at and I have no passions. I'm a zombie right now. Right now I cant see the point in life and sometimes wonder why i bother. I cry myself to sleep the past few nights and I often just feel like bursting into tears. When i am not working I sleep in and I dont even bother to get changed, i wander around the house in my pjs doing nothing but snacking. I've got no reason to get changed and I sometimes dont even want to get out of bed. I used to go out and do things like visit places on my own but I dont even do that now. I've become a bit of a loner.

I feel like a complete and utter loser and my siblings and friends all have proper careers and lives now and I feel like I have gone backwards since finishing uni. Ive wasted my life.

I am intelligent academically but I seem to have no ambition. I just feel so confused about my future. I sometimes wish I was not academically intelligent so that I would have less options open to me because I cannot decide and feel like I will never be happy with what I do, my expectations are always so high.

I dont know what to do, I am getting my parents down and probably the people who read this too but I just had to get something out.

[Touche]

You actually do sound quite depressed. I'm guessing you're only 25'ish and are talking about having wasted your life already?! You're takling about not having hobbies or passions. Go and have a talk with your GP, you've got nothing to loose and a lot to gain. You may well find it helps to clear your mind to some degree.

Having ready the other thread you posted I'm not going to revisit the same old themes as you seem to have had some pretty decent advice back then.

[chris5656]

Yeh, looking at the other thread - the post by Yeliab_Cram was a very good one. How can anyone be 100% sure that being a Doctor is the right career choice when they will not let you be a Doctor before you have to choose to find out what it is like.

A couple of other things to say:

Firstly, I dont think you are having trouble being honest with yourself. I dont really know what it is like for you, but ever since graduation ive felt a bit isolated myself: mates from uni are in other parts of the country, and at work I do not get to know anybody because I am on a different ward each shift. Its one of the reasons im looking forward to med school.
I think you should try out some hobbies. You do not have to be good at them to enjoy them: it is about getting out the house and being around familiar people. Thats why I am looking forward to the cricket season.

I agree with Touch that you shold see your GP - it might help just talking to someone about it who has dealt with other cases.

It sounds like you are feeling depressed at the moment because of a lack of the 'right kind' of people in your life. This could change as soon as you get to med/dental/optometry school.....

[Imhotep]

First of all congratulations on 3 offers - that is an impressive feat whether you ultimately decide to accept any or not.

On the subject of deciding whether or not to do medicine - I was in a bit of a quandry about this myself and ultimately I boiled it down to one question: Will I regret doing/not doing medicine? Basically the answer I came up with is that I might regret studying medicine (I'm not going to deny that possibility), but I definitely would regret not trying. So in the absence of any other vital factors (as I only have myself to think about) except finance (I worked out I could afford it, even if by the end I would have about £21,000 of student loan debt) I decided to go for it.

Perhaps I'm just an extremely simple person and this approach of reducing everything down may not suit you, but I thought it might be useful if you knew how someone else made the decision (prior to this I was all abuzz with confusion over what to do). I'm not denying I still have doubts, but that's what happens when you think over something so carefully.

Obviously I don't know you or exactly what's going on in your life besides what you've written in this forum, but I do agree with others who have posted replies to you in that you should see your GP if you feel comfortable doing so. If not you could try an anonymous service as it might be easier speaking to someone who doesn't know you, one example is the Samaritans. Many people erroneously think that they only deal with extreme depression, but they deal with a wide variety of people for a wide variety of reasons.

Wishing you all the best,

Stephen

[anton]

Hi feeling lost, I hope your feeling a little less lost after reading some of the above posts! They are really good

I think u should know ur feelings arent uncommon. I should know, I have been struggling with them for several years now myself!

By nature i am a perfectionist, nothing i do, or have ever done has been good enough. Consequently this has led me to have ridiculously high standards for me, my associates and basically the world around me. This has had quite a destructive effect on my life in some respects- it has led to depression and other mental illness, and stopped me from pursuing things that (I think) would ultimately make me happy

One of the things I didnt do was apply for medicine, which in hindsight was a mistake. I had the same thoughts as you "Am i committed" "will i be good enough" "should I? shouldn't I?" I got so confused it was unbearable. I decided to take a year out in the end, basically because I simply couldn't make a decision. Ultimately it has given me lots of time to think...

I think i believed medicine was causing me all the distress. It wasnt. Wat was causing me the distress was feeling like i was never good enough, like i didnt deserve it. Why would the interviewers want to pick me if i hated myself so much. I can see that this is a very destructive way of thinking... That is why I am determined to change it. Wat u must try to do is seperate ur negative thoughts away from medicine. U must be honest with urself, and be honest about wat you want. Push all the negative bullshit away and only look at the positive. For example, getting 3 offers clearly shows that the unis believe in you. also, u should go to someone u really trust and who knows u really well and tell them all ur feelings. they will be able to give u better advice than anyone on this forum.

Ultimately, if u want to change ur outlook on life from negative to positive, you have to make it happen

Once you have a positive outlook on life, and on yourself, ur decision will be alot easier

P.S starting a medical degree really does not mean you are tied down for 5 years. if it turns out that medicine simply isnt for you then im sure u would be able to go into optometry or dentistry, perhaps even get transfered into either of these.

I hope what I have said has been helpful. Please do not give up on yourself. Those around you who care about you, parents, family, friends, certainly haven't and will be rooting for you in whatever you choose to do.

[anton]

Hi feeling lost, I hope your feeling a little less lost after reading some of the above posts! They are really good

I think u should know ur feelings arent uncommon. I should know, I have been struggling with them for several years now myself!

By nature i am a perfectionist, nothing i do, or have ever done has been good enough. Consequently this has led me to have ridiculously high standards for me, my associates and basically the world around me. This has had quite a destructive effect on my life in some respects- it has led to depression and other mental illness, and stopped me from pursuing things that (I think) would ultimately make me happy

One of the things I didnt do was apply for medicine, which in hindsight was a mistake. I had the same thoughts as you "Am i committed" "will i be good enough" "should I? shouldn't I?" I got so confused it was unbearable. I decided to take a year out in the end, basically because I simply couldn't make a decision. Ultimately it has given me lots of time to think...

I think i believed medicine was causing me all the distress. It wasnt. Wat was causing me the distress was feeling like i was never good enough, like i didnt deserve it. Why would the interviewers want to pick me if i hated myself so much. I can see that this is a very destructive way of thinking... That is why I am determined to change it. Wat u must try to do is seperate ur negative thoughts away from medicine. U must be honest with urself, and be honest about wat you want. Push all the negative bullshit away and only look at the positive. For example, getting 3 offers clearly shows that the unis believe in you. also, u should go to someone u really trust and who knows u really well and tell them all ur feelings. they will be able to give u better advice than anyone on this forum.

Ultimately, if u want to change ur outlook on life from negative to positive, you have to make it happen

Once you have a positive outlook on life, and on yourself, ur decision will be alot easier

P.S starting a medical degree really does not mean you are tied down for 5 years. if it turns out that medicine simply isnt for you then im sure u would be able to go into optometry or dentistry, perhaps even get transfered into either of these.

I hope what I have said has been helpful. Please do not give up on yourself. Those around you who care about you, parents, family, friends, certainly haven't and will be rooting for you in whatever you choose to do.

[kiya]

It can be quite difficult when siblings or friends have decent careers and seem to be getting on with life and you feel stuck or that things haven't gone how you thought they would by the age you are.

The replies you've had already give very good advice and I can't really improve on it. You should see your GP or speak to someone you feel comfortable talking to about feeling depressed.

The only thing I can say is medicine could provide just the kind of direction you need, it will give you a career and focus, and it will provide you with some much needed social life. It may be just the thing you need to make you feel like it's a brand new start. You have little to lose but a few months of your time if you really decided it wasn't for you.

Good luck with whatever you decide and congratulations on your offers!

[anton]

by the way, i am still in school, in my final year. Having not applied to study medicine this year, I am in the situation where I will have to take a year out to get some work experience, and bolster my application with volunteering and extra-curricular activities. Despite all these positive plans, I still experience the same sorts of feelings u have talked about. However the more you challenge them the stronger you become, which makes you feel progressively less anxious and confident about your future. It is hard but if you don't do it you will ultimately be stuck in this negative cycle. I think posting for advice on this forum shows you really want to change, to do something positive. The first step is always the hardest, you will get there in the end!

[Gizmo says -]

ay macca.

you are supposed to feel like this rite now. its called 'waking up' hehe. when you realise you want to do what you want wif your life, and its dawned on you that life is your to live, rather build around someone elses dream (what one does when they are teenagers - unless they are really smart!). usually appens in early twenties when you realise your time on this planet really is limited rather than believing you are immortal at 19.


the depression is actually the first real part of your struggle to balance and figure out what you want. You must go thru mental to get to what you need.
dont worry you are well ahead of the pack in this!

work out what you want and the rest will follow.

[Gizmo says -]

remember it is not about challenging the depression at all.

it is about channelling the depression into finding out what you want to do. Use the feeling to get out to all those fings you want to try out, and find the ones that count.