GAMSAT essay for critique

[KristyN]

hi! i'm sitting GAMSAT this saturday. I was hoping that someone might be able to give me some feedback on an essay I wrote as practice. The quote question in in the introduction. Any advise anyone can provide would be really appreciated.

Healthy economics.

A balance between the extreamly wealthy and the desperately impoversihed must be made to ensure that a greater number of peoples rights to health care is met. The value of this balance that society currently seems to lack is illustrated by the words of R.D. Hitchcock, 'Wholesome and easy abundance is better than either extreme, better for our manhood that we have enough for daily comfort, enough for culture, for hospitality, for charity.' The areas in which this lack of economic balance is present will be discussed in this essay with a focus on healthcare.

Access to necessary health care is seemingly a basic human right. However this right is neglected in places worldwide, due largely to political and economic factors. An example of this exists in America, where many people are left without necessary health care as they are unable to afford health insurance. This issue is currently under contention as President Obama attempts to create a public healthcare system that can be accessed by all. However there are political and economic barriers put in place to prevent such changes. The argument for a public health system seems obvious; put more money into the system and a greater number of people serve to benefit. The counter argument ti this is that such a system may mean the end of insurance companies, the loss of jobs with great potential economic repercussions. Although these are negative impacts one need only look to countries such as Australia, New Zealand, Cuba, Canada and many European countries to see that a public healthcare system is possible. Although these systems are not perfect, they do allow for a greater balance of benefits for the individual despite their financial abundance or constraints. Obviously the issue for America is the transition from the current system to the proposed. However from a social rather than political stand-point, the cost to benefits analysis seems to conclude that improvement of human life would be favorable.

Economic balance that allows for the provision of adequate health care for all is necessary. Utilizing the example of the current political issue of healthcare in America, the necessity for economic balance for health system improvements has been discussed.

[Mysterio]

Hi your essay is articulate, has some good points based in the chosen topic and is very current in it's examples. The only thing I would say is that the structure needs to be spot especially when you only have 30 mins to rattle out a good essay. I used the griffiths guide structure which got me 68 and I don't think my essays were particularly great but I think the structure went along way to help my points flow. Also go to Revise Gamsat for more tips on structure and make sure you time yourself!

[liberal]

I would think your essay would score 60+

Try to write more
Everyone in the Gamsat talks about America, it's such an obvious example for anything, I imagine the examiners are sick of it

But hopefully you wont need this advice in the future!