criticism for practise gamsat essay

[biomed12]

hi everyone, im applying for medicine this year.. st geroges and maybe nottingham. however im getting worried about the essay section as the gamsat prep books ive brought dont really give hints on how essay should be structured or what should be included.

ive had a go at one anyway. please tell me what you think and how i can improve.

i didnt do this under exam conditions as i typed it, and i type faster than writing.. so in real exam i probabaly wouldnt be able to blab as much... :S

''If there is technological advance without social advance, there is, almost automatically, an increase in human misery. ''

Over the past century technology has advanced greatly without a doubt. The three main advancements in technology has improved mechanics, weapons and science in the nature of research and techniques used within the NHS today. From these given examples, the advantages are obvious. It increases the speed capacity of day to day life and it allows the human race to have the freedom of choice against nature. However, the human misery caused behind these examples include, the causation of human laziness, the loss of traditional methods and morals, the creation of a stronger force in politics leading to war between countries and many ethical issues raised from the research findings and techniques as the result.

Social advancement has been greatly influenced by the government. Again, politics play a role in the societies thoughts and beliefs. The government gives the information which they would like their society to obtain, by owning the media they have allowed information to be censored and restricted according to their preference. This has limited the way the society advances as it mildly propoganda’s the society according to the governments wants and needs. Technology, if used unappropriatly will ultimately cause human misery as the harmful consequences are often ignored, or the public are oblivious to them. For instance, the improvement in nuclear welfare, chemical weapons, and so called techniques to ‘protect’ the country has been made. Millions of pounds from income taxes have been funded towards these research, and the outcome is to increase the ‘power’ of the country. However, increasing the power of one country, ultimately as a contrast, decreases the power of another, making them more venerable and weak. As politics is all about power, as shown in the current wars against Iraq, has caused human misery to the Iraq society, to the families of UK and America’s armies and themselves. Using the advancement to wipe out populations demonstrated in the war in Japan with the two bombs has wiped out a fraction of the population, and afterwards realising that the outcome and consequences has over taken the benefits the war has produced. Social advancement is improved only as a mean of noticing mistakes made in the past and criticising ones history, thus social advancement is noticeably always one step behind technological advancement.

The use of cars and big factories which both produce greenhouse effecting gases has led to the dilemma of global warming, melting of ice caps and the rising of sea levels. Due to the outcome over these years, climate change is believed to be the consequence. If social advancement will not improve soon, then the human misery caused will be devastating. Not to an individual country but to the whole Earth as a whole. However, not everyone acknowledges the severity of the situation and is allowing the consequences to progress. This is another example of how technology has turned it’s back against the human race and causing misery in countries, especially those who relies purely on their climate to survive. For instance growing crops.

Science and research in the NHS has lead to techniques available in choosing a ‘test tube baby’ and allowing abortions to take place. The ethical issues in both of these is complex as one believes that nature should choose the baby and that life exist as soon as an egg is fertilised. The right technology has given human to choose against nature has made moral issues more flexible. in certain situations these decisions is seen as a good thing, however as moral ethical beliefs are changed, more and more research and techniques could be accepted and the traditional morals once had, will be diminished. This, can lead to human misery in the future.
An example is the use of GM crops. Even though the benefits of having pesticide resistant crops, that grows cheaply, and could be given to third world countries, to prevent poverty, GM crops is also feared to decrease the biodiversity and therefore effecting the ecosystem which would have devastating results.

I believe the biggest problem is the growing gap between developed countries and un-developed countries. As developed countries have the funds and facilities to do research causing more and more technological advancement, it will subconsciously high light the lack of research and funds un developed countries have. This gap will carry on increasing especially as the global warming dilemma has limited some countries in how quickly they are able to develop. This difference in the two countries bring across well known problems such as cheap labour from third world countries. As a country become rich of technology it will ultimately be rich overall. Prices will rise in all their resources, making it more and more difficult for the third world countries to catch up. This means, they will be trapped within the sector of where they are. This causes human misery on a larger scale.

Even though technological advance has brought many benefits in the societies day to day life, from easier transport and communication, to more efficient life-saving techniques; it is demonstrated that it could be vase problem if technological advancement is made without social advancement.

[Arch_Angel]

It would seem the best example for your quote by far is the industrial revolution....

Anyway, you appear to be able to write a decent short essay, but it is fairly devoid of structure, which is what they are actually looking for (I can't stress this enough).

I won't actually give you advice (as I'd be replicating the following almost word for word and he worked hard and it's cheap) but can direct you to "Griffith's GAMSAT review" which is excellent in telling you how to structure your essays perfectly. It seems you are able to throw enough ideas at a topic, so this is probably all you need.

Anyway, do a google search and you should find what you need.

Oh, I'm not Griffith by the way, just someone who found his essay writing method very useful - I'd never written an essay like it before formally and got my highest mark even as a science grad.

[hodiurnal]

Not bad, you can obviously flow which is a key but I do agree, maybe keep it to more of a simpler structure. Remember how many of these the dude or dudess is going to have to trawl through! The 5 point plan is good and does work so Im with arch angel! Good luck, you'll kick ass. Im assuming your a biomed? where abouts?

[biomed12]

im at Keele.. in the midlands

thanks for the help, ive always struggled with struturing essays, i will just have to keep practising and keep that in mind when im scribbling the essay down!

[Nurse_to_doctor]

Why do people put in these silly replies. Are they meant to be funny? I don't get the humour...

N2D

[tas2009]

i think these silly replies are people trying to get free advertising

how long are these essays expected to be? i am also someone who can type muchmuch faster than i can write, and writing legibly is another story altogether.

[pes123]

I would like to add one more thing, when planning a persuasive essay, follow these steps:

1. Choose their position.
2. Analyze their audience.
3. Research their topic.
4. Follow the proper format for their persuasive essay.

Jessica Smith
Essay Writing

[Jirhe15]

Would I also be able to post my essay here? (This was done in exam condtions BTW)

In response to the quotes: ‘’Riches are not the end of life, but an instrument of life’’, ‘Few rich men own there property, their property owns them’’, ‘’He who knows how to be poor knows everything and ‘’Wealth is not of necessity a curse, nor poverty a blessing. Wholesome and easy abundance is better, than either extreme; better for our manhood that we have enough for daily comfort, enough for culture, for hospitality, for charity’’.

Introduction
‘Riches’ or ‘wealth’ have a variety of meanings from the physical sense to the spiritual. To say that an individual is rich is to imply that the person is very successful (in the physical sense) or deeply fulfilled (in the spiritual sense). But for the sake of discussion the physical sense of richness will be focused on only.

The Obsession of Riches
One could argue that people care more about the wealth that they incur rather than the life they actually live. Henry wards ‘’Riches are not an end of life, but an instrument of life’’ saying places emphasis on human beings focus on riches, which eventually do not amount to much given the fact that one cannot takes their wealth with them when they die. The statement also corresponds to the proverb ‘money is a good servant, but a poor master’. This can be evident in for example an individuals’ investment in property. R. Ingersall saying ‘’few rich men own their property’’ holds true in that in order to give off the impression of ones ‘Richness’ or to susutain it and there standard of living, the individual may have to work tirelessly in order to continue their preferred lifestyle. The property has the individuals on a leash of sorts until the person is able to drift from that kind of mentality.

In some ways it is in fact better to be poor for ‘’he who knows how to e poor, knows everything’’. The superficial fantasy that is depicted by those who succumb to their rich gods does not apply here. A poor individual does not reside in a comfort zone and is exposed to the harsh realities of the real world and is therefore more experienced, well adapted and in touch with it. Put a wealthy deluded individual in those circumstances and they may struggle to survive let alone live consistently in the deprivation that sectors of the poorer communities suffer day by day. Is being rich really that important? No, not really.

[heavenlyjohnson]

What I like about this Jirhe15 is that it's clear what you're saying, you've chosen two contradictory but related points about wealth and talked around them. Good luck on Friday!