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GAMSAT

Discuss the GAMSAT exam in this forum. GAMSAT stands for Graduate Australian Medical Schools Admissions Test but the GAMSAT is also used for UK graduate admissions.

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Old 09-09-2008, 03:46 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Gamsat Essay Critique

Hello All, I just attempted an essay in section ii of the Gamsat. I did it under exam conditions. I am not very good at essay writing so I would appreciate any advice on how to improve my writing style.


The faculties for getting into jail seem to be ample. We want more organisations for keeping people out.
CHARLES DUDLEY WARNER
__________________________________________________ __
In recent times the numbers of prisoners in jail has increased so much so there is a need to provide more prison space. The government can provide prison space by either building more prisons or by reducing the number of offenders entering into jail. The aim of the government should be to reduce the number of individual entering into jail.
But why have the numbers in jail increased so much; are more people committing crime or are sentences more severe or longer? This trend was notice by Charles Dubley Warner, when he made the comment “The faculties for getting into jail seem to be ample”. Charles Warner also suggested that more organisations for keeping people out of jail is needed.
Sending an offender to jail is a kind of punishment. Jail is not the only form of punishment given to offenders. Other kinds of punishment are community service and fines. The government and legal system believe a jail sentence has a reformative effect on the offender, but is jail the most effective form of punishment given to most offender? When answering this question several factors come into play. One needs to consider the crime committed and the offender. Is the offender dangerous to the community, will a jail sentence alienate or harden the offender?
Sending offenders to jail is not always the right punishment for a crime. In a BBC panorama report, a large number of drug addicts jailed for theft to feed their addiction were often found to re-offend, and sometimes with a more serious crime. It can be a circle of offend, jail, release and offend again. In cases like these, jail is not the best solution. There have also been cases of offender with minor crime going into jail and coming out as more hardened criminals or even drug addicts.
Community service should be used in less serious crimes. The reformative effects of community service are much more than jail sentencing and there is no risk of the offender getting spoiled in jail. In community service the offender get to serve the community.
Rather than sending drug addicts to jail for theft and other crimes committed to feed their addiction, there should be more organisations to help them get rid of their addiction. There should also be organisations helping these addicts to refrain from crime by assisting them access alternatives provided by the government.
The churches and order religious organisation should be more involved in teaching their members and the community to abstain from crime. They could provide clubs for youth to keep them involved in religious activities and away from crime, as an idle mind is the devils work shop. These organisations should also be involved with working with prisoners right from jail to even after their release, ensuring complete reformation and in the long run avoid re-offending.
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Old 09-09-2008, 06:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hello!
Not being an expert on GAMSAT marking, I find it difficult to judge your essay on that merit. However, in general- its quite a good essay! You appear to have outlined all the main points, given a light opinion whilst remaining objective. Is there no leading word in the essay Q? Like 'discuss', 'argue' etc? That might make it easier to assess whether you have fufilled the brief or not.
But yeah, I liked it!
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Old 09-09-2008, 06:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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P.S Obviously this a very complex subject with a great deal of factors surrounding it. Financial implications, as well socio-economic factors. Will where you're brought up have an effect on how your life turns out? Family life? Working/middle class? Should the government be INCREASING sentences to act as more of a deterrent? Are offenders more likely to reoffend when the know the most serious consequence they would face would be community service? etc etc!
How long do you get in the exam? Am I helping....
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Old 09-09-2008, 07:39 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hello taylorb5,
Thanks for your reply. In the exam, one is just asked to consider the comment (Charles Dudley Warners comment) and develop a piece of writing in response to it. In exam conditions I have 30 minutes to write the piece with no previous knowledge of what the comment will be. The writer has to write from own experience as no additional information is given.
Are u writing the Gamsat exam some time soon?
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